Yes Sir No Sir

Are you ready for the big revelation? The big new thing that will raise our marriage to new heights? Get ready, here it is:

She calls me “sir.”

That’s it.

For these last two days, I’ve told her to address me in this manner. I don’t intend for it to be demeaning. It’s just an exercise to show respect and remind us of our respective roles. 

Like I mentioned before, the boundaries between our roles have been blurred a bit during these trying times. We’re not only stressed with the outside issues; we’re also stressed with each other.

Now, I’ve used spankings to help remind us of who is in charge. But like I said, in and of themselves they hadn’t worked well enough--mostly they made her mad.  So I decided to add this to the mix. 

Think of it as a game just between us, I told her.  You don’t have to do it in front of the children or in public. Only in private in the house or when we’re on the phone with each other. Then I demonstrated how it might be done.

If she answers a question, she will say “yes sir”, “no sir”, I don't know, sir.

To get my attention she will call me sir.  

Instead of saying “Okay,” (with it’s many nuanced tones accompanied by faint eye rolls), she will say “yes sir.” 

We can even argue but she will call me sir.

What do you want for lunch, sir?

The cat threw up, sir. 

Your fly is open, sir. 

It has worked pretty well so far. She has complied with a proper mixture of respect and whimsy. But it also helped in more difficult moments. Instead of speaking defensively when I asked if a task was done, she said simply “no sir,” and then we worked out the difficulties.  When she was agitated by something, she called me sir, and explained it to me without blaming me. 

The "sir" reminded me that I was in charge and should not blame her or yell at her or offer any biting sarcasm. I kept my voice low, responded courteously, and addressed the problem, like I do at work. 

The days are still hard but we are feeling better toward each other. 

Oh, and there have been spankings. Three of them so far.

“This is not for punishment,” I explained. “It is a statement of my dominance.”

“Yes sir,” she said.

“It is a reminder to you to follow my leadership.”

“Yes sir.”

It may not have been a punishment, but I made it count. 

"Ouch, sir." she said at one point.

This time there was no anger or resentment on her part.

I don’t know if we’ll keep it up. But the respect is back and perhaps also a small positive charge sizzling in the atmosphere.