Online Underwear

I like to shop online for interesting things like books, movies, and computers.  But I especially enjoy shopping for underwear at Victoria’s Secret. 

No, it’s not for me.  Well it kinda is. Oh, you know what I mean. 

I think online shopping is the greatest invention for MANkind because I won’t be caught in an actual store that specializes in this stuff. Not even if I’m out of town. 

I don’t want a young girl or an old grandmotherly type approaching me to ask if she can help me with anything. 

It would just sound wrong if I said, “Uh, no thanks. I’m just... looking.”  

Nor do I want any kind of protracted discussion of any of the products with the nice sales lady. I don’t want to hear about the differences in material. I don’t want to talk about cup size. I don’t want to discuss comparisons of thongs vs “cheekies.”

I don’t want to have to describe my wife’s dimensions, or try to show them with hand gestures, or compare my wife’s figure to that of the sales associate.  No matter what he looks like (har har). 

For me, the only way to shop is from the online catalog. 

However, I must say about the models--and I know this is an old issue--that they are really skinny.  Without a doubt they are lovely with their pouty lips and cocked hips, but come on! My wife is considered tall and slim, but she is a grown woman, not somebody’s child. Not stick figure Barbie.  

She has a full round, uh… well never mind. Suffice it to say when I take her in hand, it takes both hands. 

So when I shop to buy panties, I have to keep in mind that whatever I get for her won’t look like it does in the picture.  We’ve experimented enough to know what looks best on her—and that was fun.

When she has on her style of underwear, she’s breathtaking.

I’d show you, but while I may be head of the house and she may be submissive, she’d kill me if I did.  So you’ll just have to take my word for it. 

PS—What’s with all the feathers when they do that runway show on TV every year?